For the last few years, I’ve asked God for a word for the year. Something that speaks to me, something to guide me, something to keep coming back to and reflect upon. I loved my word for 2023, “Space,” and how that time and again it brought me freedom, permission, an openness, a calm. However, I’ve not been so enamoured with the word that I have for 2024: Discomfort.
I mean who, in their right mind, would choose discomfort? Who would want that to be their word of the year? In my head that’s like choosing to hug a cactus or walk on hot coals.
Our brain is even wired to seek comfort. It works to ensure that we avoid stressful, disagreeable or unsettling situations by triggering the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, prompting us to seek escape from these anxiety-inducing environments.
The truth of it is that most of us try to avoid discomfort whenever we can. We’d rather the smooth ride through life than the bumpy one, the conflict-free path than the conflicted one. We gravitate towards the path of least resistance rather than struggle.
Unless we don’t, of course! Unless we have a goal, a purpose, and then we will pick the discomfort and reframe it as a challenge, a goal, a vision, an ambition. We’ll get up at 5am and run 10kms before work because we have a running goal; we’ll study late into the night, to get the next qualification along our ambitious path; or we’ll move across the world or live in tough conditions because of the purpose we have in fulfilling our dreams, goals or heart’s desires.
So, let’s come back to the word CHOOSE. It seems to be that simply making a choice to engage in something can reframe discomfort as par for the course. The hindrance becomes a stepping stone towards something far greater.
In the world of education, James Nottingham’s Learning Pit is the archetypal example of the fact that without struggle there’s no growth or learning. James Anderson talks about the Comfort Zone, as repeatedly doing what we can already do. It’s in the Learning Zone that we grow and move towards our aspirational zone.
Similarly, this is the journey of transformation. We need to move out of our comfort zone into our learning zone, which will offer us the opportunities held within discomfort, if we are to truly grow. As schools, businesses and communities are increasingly recognising the need to become more inclusive and aware of their unconscious bias we need to create safe spaces where the discomfort is seen as the stepping stone, or launch pad, for something greater. As we have seen, however, it must be reframed, we have to see, understand and internalise the greater goal or vision.
Emotional responses to having diversity conversations and policies.
I developed this graphic to help teams explore the different emotional responses they may feel when talking about transformation, diversity, equity, inclusion, justice and belonging. If we find people in our teams in the bottom two quadrants, we need to develop a deeper understanding of the vision so that the discomfort becomes valuable. If we find those in our teams who are nervous, we the value of the discomfort may be perceived, but the skills, language and tools may need developing so that they can turn the stepping stones into springboards for growth.
To embrace the discomfort we may feel in this space, and we will all feel discomfort at different levels around different situations at different times on this journey, we must ensure we are creating safe-enough spaces. Spaces where everyone is seen and heard. Spaces where, outside of the upholding of human rights, there is no right and wrong, but a deep acceptance of difference. This, in and of itself, can feel uncomfortable – having to let go of one’s own opinions and perspectives as ‘right.’ Yet again, it’s an invitation to grow.
The Buddhist monk, Pema Chödrön, says “When we are willing to stay even a moment with uncomfortable energy, we gradually learn not to fear it.”
Let us practice sitting with discomfort. Seeing it for what it is. And perhaps, even learning to embrace it as a gift for growth.
